Its happening. 

He got the job. 

I feel like something is sitting on my chest and I can’t breath. 

I really just want to go home and mope but I can’t. 

I really don’t know what I should pretend to be feeling. 

What I really want to say is “Please don’t leave, I’ll miss you too much”

I really can’t say it though. I don’t think 3 months is enough to have a say in a life changing experience. 

I really don’t think 3 months is enough to be serious enough to base such a huge decision on. 

I really don’t think 3 months is to make a long distance relationship work. 

I really don’t think I could live with myself if I felt like I convinced someone to do something because I was being selfish. 

It really sucks because I have always thought that this relationship could go a long way; that it wasn’t just a fling. 

I have also always thought that this boy is amazing and that I really lucked out with him. 

Fuck, I’m so emo. 

So, long term relationships. I don’t think they work. 

Its way to early to be thinking about whether or not I would have to deal with the stress of a long term relationship but I can’t help it. 

They boy I’m seeing, he might leave at the end of August. What then? 

We haven’t been dating for that long, I think come September, we will have only really known each other well for about 5 months, dating for about 3.

3 months of dating really isn’t a long enough period of time to build a long distance relationship on. 

I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to cry but I can’t. 

I knew this would happen, I hate being emotionally attached to people. It makes me weak. 

Something has been weighing me down.

I have inklings as to what exactly it is that is bothering me. 

I just don’t want to confront it. Part if it is probably because I’m trying so hard to have it not bother me and bring me down. 

Its not working so well. 

I really don’t know what will help me out of this odd place I’m in. 

I have no comments on the situation except that I thought it would be different this time. 

But then again, when do I ever think its going to be the same?

I’ve got to shake this off. 

So I’ve been thinking more and more about sex recently. I’m still a virgin and while sometimes I really don’t think much of it, other times I wish I had someone in my life I could call up and just have sex with.

It would have to be someone I am attracted to, someone who I was close enough to that I would be comfortable having sex with. Part of m wishes I had a bofriend that I could just call up.

That unfortunately is not the case and is the place where my frustration stems from. touching myslef is no longer enough, I want to know what it feels like.

I use to think that sex should wait until marriage, but I no longer see the bond between the two and why it needs to come hand in hand.

Maybe I need to find God again, maybe he can help me figure this out.